16 weeks

pictures of me.... 15 wks along now, wow!

Its been a while!

  So, its hard to believe but today I am 15wks along. It is so exciting. I can't wait to feel the baby move and kick. Stephen is so sweet. Each morning he gives me a kiss and then puts his hand on my belly and gives it a kiss and says goodmorning to the baby.  He is going to be such an awesome dad. The little one is going to adore him. I have been feeling good lately as far as pregnacy wise. I have had more energy. I boosted my bed time up one hour. So, now I am able to go to bed at 9pm. Yay! Lizzy our dog doesn't like that though because she likes to cuddle next to me in bed and that means she has to wait longer.lol I haven't been nausea at all. I still seem to get sick here and there at least once a week I would say. Some of that is due to my gag reflux after taking my daily med and vitamins, other part must be what the baby doesn't like. Stephen is always right at my side though helping me through it.

The baby blanket I am cross stitching is coming along good. I have finished one design on it and started on another. I really hope to finish it before the baby comes. I may end up getting some help so I can accomplish that, although I would really like it to be something I made for the baby, not to sound selfish or anything. Stephen and I are going away on vacation next week to see his cousin get married and visit with my sister and brother in law, nieces and friends. I am so very looking forward to it. I wish I could see them more often. We go in for our next dr appt. on the 28th, and then we go January 8th for another ultrasound, which we should find out the sex of the baby at this time too. I can't wait, then I can start on the baby room. Of course I won't be painting it. I am going to have some friends from church come over and help. I thought it would be nice to have close friends play a part in getting the baby's room ready. It would be special. I am going to have grandparents and aunts and uncles write a letter to the baby at that time as well and get those hung or something.

Well, I better be going. I will post a picture later today. I thought I would at least blog something for everyone. Hope that all is well with everyone and that you are ready for Christmas and New Years because it is coming around the corner. I believe it takes the train here, its the longest transportation. It leaves from Bethlehem and will be arriving in a matter of weeks. Have a great day and week everyone! Love you all!

Time is flying....

   Sleepiness has taken my energy and kept me from doing a lot.  Lately I have been getting really tired at work off and on. I asked the doctors if I can be tested to see if I am anemic and I guess I was in the beginning during other labs. They said I am not, so I guess all this tiredness is just part of my pregnacy. I have had a birdie say I should blog again so I thought I would do what was requested even though it is getting done a few days later. Lately I have started to get spaced out and not totally alert at times. Its kind of funny. My pants started to feel tight and uncomfortable at times about a week ago. I bought my first pair of maternity pants today. yay!  It feels like time is really flying. Stephen  and I go to hear the heart beat in a week. We are excited to experience that. By the way, Stephen has been amazing to me during this time and very understanding. I couldn't ask for any better. I am probably going to sign up for our birthing class this week sometime. I think we will start working on the baby room after we find out if it is a boy or girl. Well, I think I am going to rest now. I will try blogging again this weekend if I am not too busy or tired. Hope everyone is doing well!

God Bless!

3 more weeks

  Yay! Today marks week 9 in my pregnacy. That makes me soo happy. One because things are going well and two because hopefully the tiredness and nausea wear off shortly.

So, its been a little bit since I have blogged. I have just felt really tired and all. One thing I have been keeping in my mind to share with everyone is that last Wed. when I was on my way to my visit with the nurse I had to, just had to stop at my fave place to get fries,which is Culvers. Of course, after I leave I realized that they didn't season them or anything and they were bland so I drove to my exit to where I was heading and stopped at a different Culvers location to run in to get salt and pepper. I thought that was funny. Haha! Things went good at my visit with the nurse. They just ask the family history and all and go over the basics with you. Things have been pretty good since, other than being tired. Stephen and I went to build a bear this past Thursday to make a bear in memory of  the precious little one we lost. We named the bear Hope. I will post a pic of her this week. I am hoping soon that I get energy back to do things I enjoy again. I need to scrapbook my wonderful years that Stephen and I have shared together. While mentioning him, he has been so good to me during this time. Always at my side when I feel like I am going to be sick or if I need a hug. He has been wonderful. I don't think I could ask for more. Thank you Stephen for all you have done for me and your support. I can't wait for us to be able to feel the baby kicking together. Hope everyone had a nice weekend. Yay for another hour sleep this morning right. Except its not fun when the dog wakes up at regular time. Thank you for being dedicated to taking care of Lizzy like that Stephen. Training for the baby marathon. funny.

Love you all,
Jackie

Have a Blessed week!

So cool how God shows us little things to remind of of bigger ones

   Today was a pretty restful day. I think I woke up around 10am and then got tired again around 11:30. Wow, I slept almost all day.  It was sweet Lizzy slept curled up next to me the whole entire time. It was nice. So, since I have this week off I have the privilege of being out of town with Stephen. Tonight as I was following behind Stephen to get to our destination I was watching his lights and it was raining and dark. It looked as if his lights were flashing like when you are trying to warn others you are going slow or something. Every car after that looked like that was happening. With that happening I think God was just reminding me of the little one inside me and the heart beating with love. I can't wait till Stephen and I can feel the baby kicking.  Well, I am going to call it a night.  Hope everyone is doing well.

Tired Tired Tired... Whats new!

   Wow, I never thought I would be this tired all the time. Its hard to stay awake at times especially if I am not doing anything productive. So, I have gotten better at making sure I drink plenty of water each day. Of course, I have to add a flavor pack into it. I can't stand it plain unless I am really thirsty. I have a container I leave at work that is 16oz. I try to drink at least 3 full cups of that a day so I am getting at least 6 glasses of water a day. Not too bad I don't think. 

I am starting to think of ways to decorate the baby room and I want to find separate puzzles for each letter of the alphabet to hang as a border on the wall. I haven't found anything just yet. Hint to why I am putting this on here. If you find a website or think of a store that I can order some like that I would greatly appreciate it. I was thinking it would be something fun to do throughout the pregnacy. That way I don't necessarily dwell on the current time always but I can look forward to a little special someone that can someday enjoy something I spent my time on for his or her room. I would love to put a verse on the ceiling and maybe even the prayer for the little ones that goes : "Now I lay me down to sleep.....  That would be really cool because eventually I could lie on the floor with the little one and just look up and it can be a routine to start each night by looking and saying that prayer.

I am just so estatic to have a little one to hold and know that it is one that came from inside of me. Of course, part of Stephen too. It is so amazing how God puts things together. I have kind of come to the conclusion that my first wasn't the right time because God still had many ways he wanted to use me before settling down with my own family. For one, he helped me with a really close friend of mine and her kids to help them enjoy life each day and I think he helped me see that even through the hard times he is there. I planted a flower garden this past May I believe and did it in memory of the one we lost, which we named Hope. The flowers and their colors and the growth of them help me see God's creation and how he helps liven things up even when going through the hard times. It was really cool because around the end of September the flowers were really looking sad and depressing and it made me sad because I didn't have the color and life to look forward to each day. Shortly after that happen with the flowers he brought on new excitement to each minute, day, week, month until the little one arrives.  Wow, is God ever amazing. I have to say until now I never realized all of this and how God planned every second out for me. I pray that everyone is able to go through something like this in life whether it be now or years down the road, it will always be special to you.

Thank you God for giving me something more to live for each day and something to enjoy waking up to and just knowing I have a little one growing inside of me this very minute.

Glad I was able to share this with you all and I really hope you enjoyed it and it helps you slow down and think about why certain things happen in life that we may or may not want to happen.

Love you all,
Jackie

Photos

  Week 6 photo

Things are looking good!

  We went for a dr appointment to check on the baby and make sure he/she is continuing to do well. The dr said all is looking good. Now instead of the baby being a grain of rice as explained in the first ultra sound, the baby is a chicken. I think so far some of my cravings are: pickles, popcorn, burrito at a mexican restrauant like Moe's and chocolate. I haven't oficially gotten sick, but I have had a few times where I felt really close to it. Boy, is that not a fun feeling, but then again if that is what God is going to leave with me for a little while to know that I still have a little alive and kicking than I will settle with that. This morning while getting ready for work I said a little prayer asking God to allow the little one in me to be ok and that I would dedicate the baby to him and show them the love of God and how great he is. Thank you all so much for your prayers. I can't tell you how much it means to me.

I go next Wed. 10/28 to fill out preg. paperwork and back to the dr on the 4th of November for a check up. Things are looking really good. Stephen has been great through this. We pray every night for this little one and for the strength for him/her to grow. Hope everyone had a great Monday. I know mine was awesome. What a great way to end the day that normally everyone dislikes. If anyone thinks of any verses for me to cling to through this pregnacy or this time could you please send them my way? It will be appreciated.

Love you all!
Jackie

Great timing

    Well, I have been hesitant to blog anything yet because of everything I went through in March. It has been a long tough road for both Stephen and I. You never realize how precious life is until you experience it.  So, two weeks ago I took a test and found out I am pregnant. It has been both exciting and nerve recking. I pray that God will stay by my side and let this baby grow in my womb until its the day for him/her to come out and greet the world. This week has been long for me between having things going on after work to feeling tired and nauseaus. I believe I have had maybe one night where I went to bed around 930pm, all other nights I went to bed at 5pm, 730pm or whatever. The awesome part of this pregnacy happening is that it is like a healing to what happened 6 months ago. Not that I will ever forget the little one we lost, but it gives me something to look forward to. I have clung to the verse Jeremiah 29:11 ever since I lost the little one in March. My mother in law pointed it out to me as well as others and it has helped me through the long dark tunnel.

Yesterday, Stephen and I went to my first ultrasound appointment. It was really hard for me. If you have gone through a miscarriage or have experienced something similar than you can have more of an understanding.

Today I talked to one of the nurses about my results from my ultrasound yesterday. The Doctor said all is looking well and that the low heart rate that the baby has is normal because of how early on I am in my pregnacy. Although he does want me to come back the end of the month just for a check up and he will do a manual heart rate monitor of the baby for my sake. They are really nice and understanding where I am going. The only thing I don't like is how with my pregnacy back in March, they wanted to do a second ultrasound a week and a half later and when they sent me the reminder letter it said because of the low heart rate, so that just is in the back of my mind now. So, if everyone could please pray for a continuing growth of a strong heart beat for the baby. Thanks! Well I am off to bed, I am about to fall asleep here at my desk. My body has gotten used to the 8pm or so bedtime. I can't handle too much later anymore:( I am a party pooper now.

Signing off to rest with the little one in me.....

Why Me!

So, I am finally writing out my feelings that I have gone through and experienced with the last 6 months since my miscarriage to my first child! It was the hardest moment of my life. It all happened so fast that I did not really get to enjoy being pregnant much at all.

I remember taking a pregnacy test one night and seeing it come up with a + sign. I could barely stand myself. I smiled and then went on my computer to double check that it meant what I thought and hoped it meant. Once I found out that it was indeed showing positive. I was jumping up and down in my computer area near my husband Stephen and had the biggest smile on my face. He looked at me and I was like we are going to have a baby! At that moment the feelings that were going through my mind were excitement, feeling anxious, nervous to be sure the test was right and relief after wanting to having a baby of my own for so long. While I was getting all excited my husband recorded me jumping up and down and just shouting "We are going to have a baby, we are going to have a baby." After that I decided to take a pic and send it to my sister. She, then called me and was very excited with me. The following morning I took another test just to see if it would come up the same and yes, it did. I went to work excited and told my coworkers there. They were happy for me. I called my dr to let them know so I could have a blood test done to be sure. That afternoon I went to the dr. office to have my blood drawn, and later they called to let me know that I was indeed preganant and I could be anywhere from 6-12 weeks. At that moment I had so much going through my mind like wow, I could be 3 months along and I am in the safe zone pretty much. After finding out and all my dr office wanted me to come in for an ultra sound to make sure everything was going ok,so I made an appointment and went in to have one done the next day. Wow, I never had to have such a full bladder. Boy, was it hard to hold it and wait to be called in to the room. lol! Finally they called me in for my turn and started the process. I got to see my baby's heart beat and it was the most wonderful thing ever. It gave me such a good feeling because I had a little one growing inside of me that would someday come out to see the world and bond with daddy and mommy! After we were finished they gave me a photo of the ultra sound. A few days after that they called and wanted to set up a follow up ultra sound in about a week or around that and did not say why. So, I set one up for about a week and a half after that. In the meantime I am enjoying my pregnacy and planning out what we are going to do before the baby comes. That week I decide to send some flowers to my parents to surprise them of carrying another grand baby of theirs. Then that weekend we visit with my husband's parents in MN to tell them of our good news. We got a couple balloons and a congrats on being a grandparent card. His mom could barely stand it. She had the biggest smile on her face because not only was she going to have a grand child from each of her daughters' but one from us as well. The following week I received a reminder in the mail about my ultrasound appointment and at the bottom for reason of a such soon second ultra sound it said "low fetal heart rate." I tried thinking positive and know that God was going to take care of things for us. When it was time to go in for my second ultra sound I met my husband there at the hospital and we went into the room together like the first time. While the person was doing the procedure I was like is "every thing ok", "is the heart beat ok?" They said the radiologist would have to look at it and they couldn't tell me anything. I was like ok, that doesn't sound good because when I went in the first time they were showing me the heart beat and all. We sat and sat waiting for the radiologist to come in the room to talk to us. I had a feeling in me that something was not right. When the dr came in he sat down and just by the look on his face I knew it wasn't good. He sat down and said that the baby wasn't viable. He said the heart rate was really low the first time and some do get it back up but it just wasn't the case for the little one developing in me. I was in shock and extreme pain! I don't think I have ever experienced something so dramatic before. I felt like I let everyone down. I was sad because we had just shared good news with my parents and Stephen's and then we had to turn around and tell the the sad news. It was the hardest thing ever. I had a hard time going in for a followup after everything happened and seeing other pregnant women in the office near me. I just teared up a lot and it was hard to handle. I now have a garden in memory of the little one that we named "Hope". The reason why we used that name is because his parents came to stay with us a few weekends later because I was having a rough time and wanted to have her around. She showed me the verse Jeremiah 29:11 in the bible and told me that God does have a plan for us and hope and did not want to see us go through that. I heard that verse two different times after she showed it to me so we decided to name the baby Hope! We love you Hope and can't wait to meet you someday in Heaven! People keep helping me realize that you didn't experience any pain while being here on earth and now you are forever happy.